If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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