it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
