I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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