If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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