The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
