Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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