just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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