Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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