Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
