Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
