Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
