I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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