I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
