ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
