Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
