How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
