Pregnant stripper...not hot.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
