why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize