Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
there was a trapeze. enough said
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
