Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
