you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
