The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize