Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
