Umm I'm too high to move.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
