alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
