So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
