I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
this boner is exhausting
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
