I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
