He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
