i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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