Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
