I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
