Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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