Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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