bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
