i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
