OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
