Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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