dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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