i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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