I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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