Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
