Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
