So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
