So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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