Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
