Kiss
Puke
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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