After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The power of my boobs compel you
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
