..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
