I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
