i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
