Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize