I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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