Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
