Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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