Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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