"it" just moved
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize