He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
