ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
