If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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