ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
