ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
