i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
